|
Lalu Yadav Jokes |
| Laloo, Rabri and his son were returning from south by
train. Laloo was ccupying the lower berth, Rabri the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train compartment. The train stopped at one of the stations on the way back and the son asked Laloo to bring him a Cadburys chocolate. When Laloo and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth. Upset and angry, Laloo called the Ticket checker & asked him to help. The Ticket checker said that he could not understand Hindi or Bihari so it would be nice if Laloo explained the whole situation to him in English. So Laloo explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child." |
| Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son. Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice Son : "I want to choose my own bride". Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter." Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes" Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter." Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry." Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank." Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes" Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank. Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president." President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need." Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law." President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes." |
| Conversation between Bill
Gates and Laloo of Bihari Gates: Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows. Laloo: Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept. Gates: At home have u installed Windows? Laloo: I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house. Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on? Laloo: OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month. Gates(Sweating): Hope the internet is being used a lot in India. Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net. Gates: By the year 2010 India should export computer chips. Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips. Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops? Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap. Gates(Heavily Sweating): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM. Laloo: RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P.. Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes. Laloo: I have exhausted all my leave. Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite. Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite. Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting. Please wait............."
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| Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in
Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply : Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks Bill Gates. Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said: "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee haai." Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa - par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga. Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai Please do not send any further correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhej ne ka kaouno zaroor! at nahee. No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi. Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad. Bill Gates. ---- Bilva. Bye........ |
| Once there were
five people travelling in a plane.one -pilot,two-a school boy,three-an old
man,four-sonia gandhi,five-lalu prasad yadav. Suddenly there was an announcement from the pilot,'the plane is going to crash,so please pick up your parachutes and jump.But there is one problem there are five people but there are only four parachutes, so someone should be left back. and now first im going to jump as i have many planes to fly in future.' and so the pilot jumped and he got saved. Next Sonia Gandhi took up a parachute and said, ' i am going to jump becoz i have to become the prime minister of india in future' and so she jumped and got saved. Next Mr.Lalu parsaad picked up a parachute and said, ' now i have to rule bihar so i have to jump' and so he jumped and he got saved. Now the boy and the old man were left , the old man told to the boy that he had become old and was of no use so he told the boy to jump.BUT the boy told the old man that there were two parachutes left!!! the old man got surprised and asked how? The boy replied:SIR THERE ARE TWO PARACHUTES LEFT BECOZ MR. LALOO PRASAD YADAV TOOK MY SCOOL BAG AND JUMPED INSTED OF TAKING THE PARACHUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| Laallooo Prasad Yadav gave a speech to "pharin delegation"
from Amrika. The topic of the speech was COWW What is a Cow HE IS THE COW. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, (but will do so when he is got child.). He is same like - God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. (Horses don't have any such attachment.) Use of a cow What can it do? Various - ghee, butter, cream, curd, and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species. Also, his other motion... (gobar) is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making Pizza that can be used for heating oneself in winter. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chews with his teeth who are situated in the inside of the mouth. Tailing a cow He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies, which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he, gives hit with it. I am now ending this fastly. My God blast you! Thank you and thank God I am finished. Jay Hind!" |
| Lalu and bush meeting …..(hindi eng. Mix) Once bush visited to india. And he directly go to home town of lalu in bhihar. After having look at bihar he had meeting  with laloo. Bush: ye kya haal kar rakha hai bihar ka ?? Laloo: kyo kya huwa ??? Bush: aaray sab jagaha, mara mari, loot mar, rape …etc. etc and abt u r roads, building, houses, offices ??? Then he said to laloo …"Mr.laloo if u give me bihar for 3 months I can change it as if america.." On this laloo said “kya 3 mahina ….. aaph yek kaam karo …ye jo america hai na wo mujhe 3 dino kay liye do … nahi tin dino may usay bihar jaisa banaya to naam badal dunga …" |
| I was abt 2 say the Laloo joke on America with Singapore &
2 mnths/days anyways. Here is mine In an interview, Interviewer: Lalooji aapne apne beti ki shaadi ke liye zabardasti gaadi le li car showroom se. Iske baare mein aapko kya kehna kya hai? Laloo: Arrey hum thodi zabardasti karna chaahte the. Hum prem se pooche rahe to oo boley nahi de sakte. Ab aur kouno chaara hi nahi tha ka karen  Sm1 frm Audience: Arrey Lalooji chaara bachega kaise - saara chaara to aap hi ghotaale mein khaa gaye |
| Here someeee Laloo prasad yadavs family planning policy."DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR" Once Laloo prasad yadav took some photos with a herd of buffaloes , Next day the photo appeared on the front page of a Bihari newspaper. Guess the caption!! 'Laloo,third from left!' A reporter once asked Laloo prasad yadav "Whats the main reason for divorce in Bihar ?" Laloo replied "Marriage". |
| is duniya mein koun si devi ka koun sa prasaad bahut
mashhoorhai! Raabdi devi ka laloo prasaad. |
| i had recieved a mail from my freind saying that the joke
#1 is actually an essay written by a bihari student in an IAS exam and also
got selected. ok heres another joke once laloo goes to the US to learn english from bush. he calls his wife rabri and says english is a funny language and he is having fun.  after 2 months bush calls rabri and says: hum bushwa bol raha hun, yeh englis kabhi nahin seekh sakta. 
 |
| STATE OF BIHAR DRIVING LICEN APPLIKASON PHA-RUM NOTE: If you dont know the answers, please capi fram another applikason pharum and submit. For further instruktions, see battum applikason. Please do not shoot the person at the applikason kounter. He will give you the lisen immediately. (Check appropriate box) Last name: (_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Mishra (_) do not know First name: (_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivaprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dont know Age: (_) Less than zero (_) Zero (_) Greater than zero (_) Don't know Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ not sure _____ not applicable Chappal Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupasion: (_) Politician (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed Number of children living in household: ___ Number tha t are yours: ___ Mother\'s Name: _______________________ Father\'s Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you bathe? (_) Yes (_) No Not applicable If yes, how often do you bathe? (_) Weekly (_) Monthly (_) Yearly Color of teeth: (_) Yellow (_) Brownish-Yellow (_) Brown (_) Black (_) Others - Give exact color (call nearest Asian Paints dealer if U dont know the color of your teeth) How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don\'t know _________________________ (Your thumb imparesson) ....contd.... |
| .....contd.. * If you are capying from another applikason pharom, please do nat capy thumb impression also. * Please provide your own thumb impression. PLEASE DO NAT USE FINGERS OF YOUR LEGS. Use thumb on your lefthand only. If you dont have left hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do nat have right hand, use thumb on left hand. NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE |
| Indai and pakistan problem was successfully solved by our
own Lalooji how: During a meeting with the President of Pakistan , Lalooji told him that since u want Kashmir to be annexed to your country,"chalo hum aap ko aur ek freebie dethein hain...bihar bhi laylo" Mr.Musharaff immediately withdrew his demand for Kashmir. |
| three scientists, an american, a german and an indian, were
talking and bragging about the technological advances their respective
countries have achieved in the field of medicine. the american said "in washington, there was a baby boy born without arms so we attached artificial arms on him. and he grew up and became an olympic professional boxer and a gold medallist!" the german said, "thats nothing to what we have achieved. back in berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs so we attached a pair of artificial legs on her. now she is an olympics marathon gold medallist!" the indian smirked: "is that all you have achieved? just gold medallists? in patna, bihar, we had a baby boy born without a head! we attached a coconut and called him Laloo and he grew up to become the chief minister of Bihar!" |
| Official hair dresser of
Lalu Prasad Yadav ? Behari cows and buffaloes
Bombay became Mumbai, can you rename Patna ? |
|
Saddam Hussain approached God and asked
him, "When will peace return to my country?" God answered, "You can never
see peace in your country during your lifetime." Saddam wept bitterly and
walked away. Nawaz Sharif approached God and asked,"When can I see a united Pakistan with Kashmir?" God said,"You can never annex Kashmir during your life time." Sharif wept and walked away. Laloo Prasad approached God and asked, "When will Bihar become a civilised state?" God wept bitterly and said,"I can never see that happening during my life time." |
|
Laloo Hamara Neta: What would be changed
if Laloo Prasad becomes India's Prime Minister: (i) National Anthem : Khana Pina Adhik Zaroorat hai... (ii) National Attire : Dhoti & Kurta (iii) National Drink : Fresh Buffalo Milk (iv) National Animal : Buffalo, from Bihar (v) National Sport : Milking Buffalo (morning) Buffalo Race (evening) (vi) Corporate Language : Enlish-va (vii) National Toy : A. K. 58 (viii) National Family Planning Policy : Hum Do, Humare Dozen (ix) National Documentry Film : Laloo Ban Gaya Gentleman (x) National Vehicle : Buffalo Cart (xi) National Recreation : Pro-creation Laloo's Slogan: Jab Tak Rahega Samosa Me Aloo, Tab Tak Rahega Hamara P.M. Laloo |
| Laloo
becomes PM (if you haven't cut your throat yet, read on) and goes to
Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif.They decide to meet without
aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes. Laloo then emerges from the
room. Reporters clamour for a statement. "Nawazbhai will make the
announcement" is all Laloo will say. Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a
bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims on Kashmir, with no
strings attached! The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what
others had failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what did you promise,
the press clamours. "Sab akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," (All because of the
Akai company people) says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge
doonga, video khareedein to cellphone free (They give fridge free if you buy
TV, cellphone free if you buy VCR )... tho ham bhi Nawazbhai se keh diye: "aapko
Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free milega, bas!"
(SO, I said to Nawazbhai - "You want Kashmir, right? Take it. But you will
get Bihar free with it!") |
| Laloo
Yadav suspects Rabri Devi of cheating on him. He thinks : "I have been so
busy in politics. I hardly get any time make love. How come we have so many
children. Rabri must be making it out with others. "So he goes unexpectedly
to his bungalow one afternoon and sure enough he opens the door to find
Rabri Devi in the arms of his chowkidaar. Well, Laloo sure is angry. He
takes out the gun from the pocket in his kurta. But as he does so, he is
overcome with grief. He takes the gun and points to his head, ready to pull
the trigger. Rabri yells "Nahin! aisa gazab mat karo! (No don't do this)
Laloo replies "Chup kar kal-muhi agli goli ka shikar tu hogee!" (shut-up you
are taking the next bullet) |
|
Excerpts from a Laloo Prasad Yadav Speech " I Thank You All For Coming Here
From The Bottom Of My Heart And Also From My Wifes Bottom" |
| Laloo
becomes PM and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif.They
decide to meet without aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes. Laloo
then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement. "Nawazbhai
will make the announcement" is all Laloo will say. Nawaz Sharif comes out
and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims on
Kashmir, with no strings attached! The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved
in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what
did you promise, the press clamours. "Sab akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," (All
because of the Akai company people) says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge
tho fridge doonga, video khareedein to cellphone free (They give fridge free
if you buy TV, cellphone free if you buy VCR )... tho ham bhi Nawazbhai se
keh diye: "aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free
milega, bas!" (SO, I said to Nawazbhai - "You want Kashmir, right? Take it.
But you will get Bihar free with it!") |
| Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As
there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE" for which
Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on... |
| Laloos
family planning policy."DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR"
|
| At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's
left tells the bartender,"JOHNNIE WALKER,SINGLE." And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED." |
| After
completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite Sometime, Laloo
proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me only 5 months
to do it," Laloo brags. "Five months? That's too long." the friend exclaims.
"You are a fool," Laloo replies."Read the box, It says 5-7 years."
|
| Rabri Devi died and went to heaven
(Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of
clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamraj answered,
"Those are LieClocks. Everyone on Earth has a LieClock.Every time you lie,
the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is
that?"That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he
never told a lie. "And whose clock is that? "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life." Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?" Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan. |
| Laloo
Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to
Bihar.The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he
stated,`Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it
into an economic superpower like Japan.` Laloo was very surprised. `You
Japanese are very inepicient (inefficient),` he stated.`Give me three days
and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!` |
| A reporter asked Laloo "What the main reason for divorce?" Laloo replies "Marriage". |
| Once
Laloo Prasad of Bihar, sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in
Microsoft Corporation. A few days later he got this reply:-"Dear Mr. Laloo
prasad, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks" Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hoon."Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter angreeze main hai is liyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee karoonga. Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ---- pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya You do not meet ---- aap to miltay hee naheen ho our requirement ---- humko to zaroorat hai Please do not send any further correspondence ---- ab letter vetter bhejnay ka kaouno zaroorat nahee. No phone call ---- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai shall be entertained ---- bahut khaatir kee jayegi |
|
After having their 11th child, Laloo & Rabri
decided that was enough. So then Laloo
went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not want any more
children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy
that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a
Diwali bomb, light it, put it in a empty Coke can, then hold the can up to
his ear and count to 10. Laloo said to the doctor, "I'm the smartest man in
Bihar, but I don't see how putting a Diwali atom bomb in a Coke can next to
my ear is going to help me with my problem." So the couple drove to Delhi to
get a second opinion. The Delhi physician was just about to tell them about
the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed by their Medical records that
they were from Bihar. This doctor instead told Laloo to go home and get a
Diwali atom bomb, light it, place it in a Coke can and hold it to his ear
and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians knew what they were
talking about and couldn't be wrong, Laloo went home, lit a atom bomb, put
it in a coke can. He held it up to his ear and began to count with his
fingers on his left hand : "1,2,3, 4,5" At which point he paused, placed the
coke can between his legs and resumed counting on the other hand. |
| What do they call French Toilet
in Bihar? La loo |
| Once Laloo wanted to know the
time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist
department and asked them "Ji could you tell me the time difference between
Patna and Las Begas...". The man at the other end replies "One second sir ..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down. |
| After having become the CM of
Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a picture. To show he is down to earth CM
he decides to pose along with a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on
the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears
front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION "Laloo, third from left" |
| After
completing a jigsaw puzzle he had been working on for quite some time, Laloo
proudly shows off his puzzle to a friend. "It took me only 5 months to do it," Laloo brags "Five months? That's too long,"the friend exclaims. "You are a fool, " Laloo replies " See this Carton, it is written, for 4 - 7 years" |
| Laloo goes to
see the movie "Jhoota Harischandra". At the ticket counter Laloo asks for a
ticket and gets one on paying. After a few minutes he returns and asks for another one. The person at the ticket counter gives him the ticket and takes the money. A few minutes later Laloo is back again and ask for another ticket. The ticket issuer gives him the ticket but is annoyed with Laloo. He says, "Hey! What's your problem? Why don't you buy all your tickets at once?" Laloo replies, "What to do? I need only one ticket, but every time I try to go inside the damn man standing at the door tears apart my ticket!" |
|
After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to
do modelling. On one occasion, he enters a herd of buffaloes and resting his
elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo
appears on the front page of a newspaper.
|
|
Laloo was
going to somewhere through plane.
|
| Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji..could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...". . The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down. |